a most-needed valentine

on the car ride home a few days ago, i asked the Lord if he would be the one to send me a valentine this year. when i got home this is what he wrote to me. 

My dear, sweet darling,

My goodness how I adore you. I know it’s hard to look beyond the emptiness of today. The flowerless vase, the blank phone, the empty mailbox, the hurting heart – another seemingly love-less valentines day is coming and going and, well, it’s empty. I see that, I even feel that and I hear you. Believe me, I do.

Everything is temporal, my princess. I know it’s hard to understand, being bound to time. I created it that way. I created everything in your life so that you’d lean further into my embrace, fall faster to your knees, lift your eyes when trouble arises – everything is temporary. Even the stars and the mountains you’re so astounded by, the mighty waters and the great sun, those which seem so constant, they too will fall. They too will crumble. They too will disappear. 

Likewise, this today, this brutally hard today, it will pass too. Ah, my darling. If only you could see things the way I do. It brings a smile to my face looking at the life I have created, the plans I have laid, the story I have written for you to experience. My goodness, it’s beautiful. The beat of your gait on the good and bad days, the way your face falls and rises as your heart does, how glorious this pain will look but a few years from now – it’s all good. I like your jokes. The way you throw your head back and clutch your tummy and let your hair fall – it is joy as I created it. You make me smile, my love. You make me smile so big. Your imperfections – the way you chew on your lip, the dimples in your back, the way you crack your knuckles when you’re nervous and the way you always drink your coffee when it’s too hot –  all bring joy to me. You are exactly as I want you to be and today is exactly as I have planned. My sweet, I love you in all your forms. Greasy hair or a makeup-streaked face or chipped nails or your morning breath. I love you in a way that you will never ever fully understand. In a way that I will never be able to put into words – you just have to feel it. And even then, you will never fully grasp the weight and height and depth and breadth of my affection, my deep, relentless, world-shaking affection for you. My darling, you. It is you I adore. 

I know you don’t feel it today, but I want you to believe your worth. The worth found in me. Far more precious than rubies and silver and gold, you my dear, are my brilliant creation. My arms will hold you as you need and my being will provide and protect you for as long as you have breath, and then forevermore. I promise. 

My beloved, look not to the empty mailbox, vase, inbox – they are temporal, remember? 

My dear, sweet, darling. Run to me, find me, let me swallow you in my unrelenting love, let me cover you in my forever love-song. 

I am your rose, your love letter, your forever.

And I will never ever ever stop proving it to you. 

Love (which doesn’t even cover it – look to my son’s hands for proof),

Your God and King and Bridegroom

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