what i wish i’d been told during a breakup

According to Miriam Webster Dictionary, breakup (noun) means, among many other definitions, to end.
I, however, find this terribly un-fitting, terribly ironic and too…short, to have anything to do with the breakups of which I am acquainted.
break·up /brākˌəp/ (n) (The Brittany / Long-Winded Definition)

Days once filled are now empty. Nights that were once saturated with words of love and future and now, are now filled with dead air, silence, and a dark that is far more than a physical state. The person who was your closest companion for a long time now cannot be spoken to*.

During these times, we lean on others to bring us through. And it is hugely helpful. Until it’s not.


When I went through my first break-up as a pre-teen, the pain was new, fresh, and difficult to comprehend, let alone walk through. Leaving a season of blatant disregard (what many call “teenage rebellion”) was synonymous with a relationship ending. When it ended, I swore everyone wanted to say “I told you so” (they didn’t. blind pride and cynicism coming through!) Regardless – that was a heavy heavy weight to carry: that my pain was hardly justifiable. In this loneliness and lack, my Jesus came a-callin, strengthening my weak arms by showing me that his were the only ones that mattered. Another story for another time, though. I want to talk about the aftermath of the proceeding year’s relationships.

Needless to say, breakups didn’t get easier after that first one. In fact, with each “goodbye” heavier doubts and weightier feelings caused deep sorrows to well up in my soul. I leaned in to each friend and companion I had in those seasons (and this one I am in right now), stretching out newly empty hands to be filled with catch-phrases and words to get me through. With their help, a lot of devotions/crying time, and a bunch of hugs, I learned and grew and healed. But, when my most recent relationship ended, I was again at a cross-roads.

We lean into our friendships during these times and are often met with this simple phrase.

“They** aren’t worth it.”

The time, energy, and emotion you are funneling into their presence (lack thereof) is absolutely ill-founded in the long-run. And eventually you will be able to go weeks without feeling any sort of pain or emptiness in regards to them. However, as I was yankin up my bootstraps and trying to deal with the ache of another broken relationship, I wish I had been told this:

It is okay to feel the way you do. It is warranted. Well-founded. Feel it. Absorb the pain. Let your body understand the ache of empty, the heaviness of broken.*** Don’t try to talk yourself out of the sorrow: allow the wave to build. And then crash. And then dissipate. 

I spent so many days asking myself why I felt the way I did, telling myself it wasn’t right, he just wasn’t worth it. The energy, emotion, attention, etc.

I felt awful.

Healing didn’t come.

Each day was an uphill climb, a series of catch phrases in regards to strengthening myself, reminding me of what I was capable of, deserving of, etc. etc. I fed my soul meals that never satisfied. (“You are worth more than this…” often followed by “He isn’t worth it.” “He’s not thinking about you, don’t think about him.” “Someday down the road a better guy will come.”)

And while, again, many of these phrases ring true, while they offer some sort of antidote to the present in regards to the future, they do not allow the time, space or feeling needed to heal.

When a person is cut away from your life, you will feel their absence, whether you want to or not, whether you (or others) feel it is merited or not. Setting out on a road that you thought would be walked with a specific person by yourself is kind of a huge, heavy, deal. It isn’t something to talk yourself out of.

Reader, if you are going through a similar season, I want to encourage you to allow yourself to feel. Healing requires feeling and experiencing the heaviness, sorrow, and darkness.

So this is your friendly, neighborhood reminder:

Your feelings are valid.

They are well-founded. You are not an idiot for feeling the way you do. You are human. This season is softening you for something around the bend. Allow yourself to understand that though they are temporary, though they will pass, it is okay to feel the way you do, right now.

The Lord is with us in our fear and trembling and does not ask us to do anything but cast the heaviness, the sorrow, the cares on him. He will do the rest. You need not rely on your own strength in this season. The same way we press into friends when the going gets rough, press into him, reader. His arms are more than capable of holding you in your weakness. He sees beauty in your right now, broken and bruised or healed and free. He can be glorified in and through both.

So. Tonight.

In the weakness? In the heavy?

Feel.

And then lift your hands to the heavens, saying:

All glory and honour and praise. To Him. To Him who is able to do FAR more abundantly than we could ever ask, with that which deeply wounds us.

I pray your Monday is restful and that you feel his presence this week in whatever season your in.

He is ever so near to the brokenhearted.

XX-

Brittanycharis

Some Balms (Melody-style)

one | two | three

 

*From personal experience, my breakups were never amicable and I am not saying they’re all like this. But for me, these were the feelings I had and the predicaments I was in.

**That Significant Other You’re Thinking About

***I am not saying to let these feelings command you. They are not in control of you. You don’t bow your knee to the way you feel. Feelings are transient. I am simply reminding you that in order to heal one must feel it and then move on. Moving on doesn’t happen without the in-between step.

an update

your girl is truly awful at keeping up with this sweet corner of the internet. 

No excuses but I do feel that it is far better to post inspired content then to just post to post (that’s what I tell myself whenever I see the wordpress icon – approximately 100x a day.)

Despite that, here I am. the whole school here has come and (practically) gone and I’m sitting in a Starbucks on 26th street and feeling excited to chat about year one.

This (school) year has simultaneously been the best and the worst. I was expecting adjusting would be hard but I had no idea it would take practically the full school year to truly begin to find my groove. change has never been something i go through cheerfully (pretty sure this is a common sentiment for humanity) but God has been so good and kind to me as my whole world has shifted and changed and morphed into the life I lead today.

This city is bitter and soft. Dark and light. Good and bad. Everything all at once, including my experiences of it. But I feel I have reached a point spiritually and emotionally where I can talk about the good and bad that coexist 24/7, without romanticizing either. In time, I’ll try to update you on the whole shebang: dating, finding a church, working through loneliness, not having a vision in a place filled with impassioned dreamers, budgeting (ish), finding friends, studies, all the things. I am so excited and overjoyed that I can say (basically, 2 weeks off. I’m definitely counting) that I have freshman year under my belt.

Today, reader, I remind you of this sweet sentiment that has carried me through the trivial and difficult: “No matter what I am feeling, God is working.”

I hope you are well, reader. I have missed this outlet tremendously but haven’t had much to say. I think I do now.

Happy Thursday – may it be filled with dappled sunshine, creamy coffee, and fresh blooms.

XX-

BrittanyCharis

for now, hop over onto my youtube and check out my semester 1 video montage:

P O S T C A R D S from N E W Y O R K  | V O L U M E 1

weekly round-up / nyc

happy labor day! i hope today has been as laborless for you as it has for me. with exception to an errand i ran this morning, i’ve spent most of the day catching up on keeping up with the kardashians in various sleeping positions. i have no shame because i only have hulu for a month. holler.

KUWTK shenanigans aside, yesterday marked another week longer of being in the city. weeks here are full, bustling, and filled: there are adventures on every corner, lining every street, filling every stop and it makes for weeks that are brimming with delight.

. . . . .

 in which i discover that the first day of classes synonymous with buying gelato:

Monday marked day one of classes here at the FIT and when they wrapped up for the day, I still had time to kill and a belly to fill. I headed out to fifth to try out what is now my favorite gelato place: eataly. I devoured the salted caramel cream before I could snap a picture of it but I did get to enjoy these sites while I filled my belly with sweetness.

Processed with VSCO with m5 preset

view while eating

Processed with VSCO with m5 preset

my backyard in the golden hour

. . . . .

in which i finally have a full day out and use it window shopping:

my usual day-off activity in this city is going onto fifth, are we surprised? it stretches on endlessly with so many places to explore, i’ve really only mapped out 1/8 of the street. there’s so much more discover. i spent most of the morning/afternoon in club monaco. the store is complete with a satellite store of the strand, a florist, and of course the infamous toby’s estate coffee.

Processed with VSCO with m5 preset

bookstore

Processed with VSCO with m5 preset

talk about beautiful. florals & the prettiest clothes

Processed with VSCO with m5 preset

toby’s

Processed with VSCO with m5 preset

to die

. . . . .

MET up with a few mishaps:

after a few miscommunications, I found myself on the Upper-East Side with nothing to do. So I embraced my inner serena van der woodsen and enjoyed what the beautiful museum had to offer and I was not disappointed. currently at the met, there is a conde nast feature, chronicling technology in fashion. It displays renowned  designers from around the world, Givenchy to Dior to Chanel. Manus x Machina is a jawdropping exhibit. 10/10 rec.

Processed with VSCO with m5 preset

spotted

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

one of my favorite views

Processed with VSCO with m5 preset

afternoon shadows

Processed with VSCO with m5 preset

givenchy; this was my most favorite gown. ugh. jawdropping.

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

i’d like one of each, please.

. . . . .

saturday roaming

my roommate had a visitor so i set off to explore by myself. i ended up going to Ralph’s Coffee on the second floor of Ralph Lauren on (SHOCKER) fifth ave, near the rockefeller center. it was lazy and delightful and i spent the overcast saturday morning, journaling with a pretty mocha.

Processed with VSCO with c1 preset

delight

Processed with VSCO with m5 preset

art

. . . . .

sunday afternoon & the sun’s a-blazin:

after church, lunch, and grocery-shopping, we were all ready for a little chill time. we headed down to madison square park and enjoyed some music in the park, complete with chubby little toddlers bopping along to the barbershop quartette.

Processed with VSCO with m5 preset

peek-a-boo baby

Processed with VSCO with m5 preset

rows

. . . . .

laborless monday morning:

and finally, this morning.

Processed with VSCO with m5 preset

broadway

Processed with VSCO with m5 preset

$2 lattes are the best thing.

$2 lattes (count me in) from the coffee shop down the road, journaling, and walking around our (not so little) backyard. i love this city so much. the hustle, the bustle, the music of a thousand dreams.

next week? i’m (so) ready for you.

xoxo,

brittanycharis

first impressions / nyc

nyc has been an adjustment. between learning to understand the grid that is the city streets, wrangling the insanely high food tax and figuring out what times to be in or out of our little oven of a room, i haven’t really had a moment to really process where i am and what i’m doing. if i’m being honest, i still feel like i’m on vacation: life here for me has made 7 days feel like one incredibly long one, there’s no stop. you wake up in the morning and half of the world is already seated at a desk in the heart of the city, while you groggily wipe sleep from your eyelids. and when you pillow your head at night, half the world is still running around in circles, finishing up last minute tasks and some are even just beginning their night at the bar down the street. regardless, manhattan is charming. tough and hard to crack, a little rough around the edges and a little hard to navigate, but so delightfully charming.

i made myself a tourist this week, exploring all the must-sees, jamming in as many excursions as possible into our endlessly free summer days that are coming to an end tomorrow. high-line was one of my favorites.

Processed with VSCO with m5 preset

remodeled from an old railroad track, highline stretches across the city heights, providing beautiful look outs on each avenue and street from Ganseevort street in West Village to the 30th street on the outskirts of Manhattan.

Processed with VSCO with m5 preset

 

 

in addition to high line we have eaten gelato in chelsea, devoured shakes and fries in madison square park, explored 5th ave and gone to coney island. each offered their own private experience of the city, creating a well rounded atmosphere dubbed “the concrete jungle.”

it has been such a privilege and a blessing to be able to discover the streets that create my dream, but with each beautiful moment has come a lot of hurdles.

anxiety is one of them. being surrounded by so many people all the time is one of the most magical aspects of this place but it can also be the most challenging. i have found that “alone time” is hard to come by and have found a newfound respect for headphones. living in nyc with anxiety means: always having a water bottle, gum, and prayers flying all the time. The Lord has been very sweet to me, and brings his aroma into my days often. but the anxiety is still there, lurking, and sometimes even just going for a walk is hard. regardless: taking a few steps despite my minds best efforts has been the most rewarding. beautiful moments happen on the other side of fear.

so all-in-all, nyc has been exactly what i thought it would be. challenging and exciting, hard work and beautifully easy, it is a strange oxymoron, a contradiction in and of itself, and walking down each avenue and street has decoded just a little of its riddle. i am so excited about these next few months, these next few years, this season of my life that will be spent decoding each avenue as passions drift by worn on the sleeves of those who walk.

 

. . . . .

xoxo,

brittanycharis

. . . . .

a few favorites:

dorm tour / fashion institute of technology

one of my most favorite parts of the college experience thus far was planning, designing and implementing our dreams in our dorm room. i scored a double apartment (complete with a mini kitchen and moderately sized bathroom). thus far it has been a bit of an adjustment simply because it is close living, which for everyone is a very difficult transition to make. regardless, having a spot that we can call home, a place that feels like home, has made the difficult transition a little bit easier. i thought i would share the nooks & crannies of our general “room” area with the products detailed. the process of moving to chelsea has been an interesting one, but oh so rewarding as every day provides a new adventure. so, reader?

welcome to my crib.

. . . . . . . .

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

IMG_1545.JPG

my bed

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

peekaboo bathroom

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

roommate’s bed

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

. . . . . .

my dorm faves:

towels || throw || pots || fur throw

. . . . . .

xoxo,

brittanycharis

north bakery / cafe daze no. 5

i bring coffee into 98% of all conversations. a lot of people are annoyed by this BUT occasionally, i come to find that the person i’m talking to is a coffee-lover and they often will then refer me to their favorite local spots.IMG_0817.jpg

n o r t h  b a k e r y / providence, ri

location | nestled in a thickly settled residential area, north bakery blends in with the surroundings. it’s sign glows fluorescent neon in the window, but most would just attribute it to a hipster couple living in an apartment. wrong. it’s just a 2 minute drive from white electric coffee and totally off the beaten path BUT it’s one of the sweetest bakeries i’ve been to thus far in our excursions.

the atmosphere | laid-back, closely knit. the seating is scarce as it seems to put more emphasis on their bakery items and less on their drinks. however, there were extra chairs scattered throughout that could be brought up to the additional 2 bars, if need be. what made the atmosphere truly unforgettable were the bakers. rolling out buttery dough and mixing together fruit compotes, cutting squares for pastry items, they busied themselves within the view of the customer.  it was so much fun to watch product being made whilst sipping our coffee, and the smells that erupted from the oven were second-to-none. my mouth is watering just thinking about it.

IMG_0815

the prices | incredibly reasonable. i paid 2.75 for a 16oz. cold brew. their espresso drinks were pretty average in their price ranging 3-4 dollars based on size.

the food | we went for mid-morning coffee, so unfortunately i didn’t try the food. however, seeing that it is a bakery and the smells were so utterly delicious, i don’t think you should expect ANYTHING short of amazing. i’ve gotta go back and try those scones, oh my my.

IMG_0797

the coffee | exceptionally delicious. it only came in one size, but 16 oz was plenty. the brew itself was smooth and strong, the perfect pair. adding cream didn’t make it taste watery which is a major plus and i didn’t notice the taste of separation between the bean and water that often accompanies cold brew. ultimately, 2.75 was a great price for such a delicious cup of coffee. it was refreshing and strong and kept me caffeinated until dinner!

IMG_0805

final thoughts | though north bakery emphasizes baked goods their drinks by no means pale in comparison. it’s the perfect place for a grab and go or a solo trip for working but doesn’t necessarily accommodate social outings. however, being in the area that it is in, there is plenty to do once the brew has been acquired. i would definitely recommend this cafe to anyone in the providence area as it was cheap and delicious, whilst offering the ultimate hipster cafe scene. in my book it was a 9/10!!!

. . . . . .

happy drinkin’, new englanders!

xoxo,

brittanycharis

. . . . . . .

wanna see where we go before the blog does?

track the hashtag:

#cafedazewithjandb

to keep caught up with all our latest excursions!

bolt coffee co. / cafe daze no. 4

 

a little backstory & how we found them | travel sites and pinterest have never been more frequented by my sister and i. in our intense and extensive searching of the internet, we stumbled across gorgeous shots of a tiny little shoppe in downtown providence. it was unanimously decided that we had to check it out. the following morning we headed into the city to do some shopping and stopped to enjoy the cafe beforehand. totally worth it.

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

b o l t c o f f e e c o / providence, ri

the location | nestled in the first floor of the dean hotel in providence, bolt coffee provides an ecclectic, closely knit layout that’s located just off the beaten track. it is only a short walk from providence’s mall but the community it tailors has a range that is far greater than just shoppers. businessmen, students, tourists, and ] locals all frequent the shop since its location lands right in the middle of downtown providence. street parking was easy to find BUT all the available spots required charge (the meters accepted credit/debit cards as well as coins, which was definitely an added bonus!)

the atmosphere | very mod. most of the decorations were black and white with exception to the large purple/pink neon letters that read ‘fine’. overall it was very mellow and laid back, the barista was friendly and the service was efficient. the persona of the cafe made for a very enjoyable and vibey experience. in other words, it was totally rad.

the prices | if there’s anything that has become a constant in these cafe explorations its this: the smaller the cafe, the pricier the brew. bolt coffee definitely lives up to it. their iced coffee selection was limited to a cold brew which priced at $5 for 24oz. of coffee. espresso drinks ranged similarly from $4-6, depending on the size. and though it is to be expected of these companies, the pricey product does make their brand seem a little more unattainable.

VSCO Cam-6.jpgthe coffee | it leaned towards mediocre. the barista who served us that day was incredibly helpful and gave us all the info in regards to the beans they use. after learning where they came from and how they were processed, i was expecting a stronger brew. what i got was definitely exotic coffee: it had a smooth texture and was easy to drink, but you could taste the separation of bean and water. i drank it and the caffeine level was rocking but i’m not sure i would get the cold brew again since that definition is not something i particularly enjoy! i definitely want to go again and try a latte – i’ve heard that they’re the thing bolt offers that is out of this world!

final thoughts | the atmosphere was totally killer and i’ll definitely go back to try some of their other menu items. though the product wasn’t as good as i perhaps was expecting i DID enjoy my visit to this cafe and i would gladly go back! on a ten point scale, i would probably give it a 6.5 (but again, that is entirely based on the iced coffee i tried!) i’m hoping to visit again soon and i’ll update this when i do.

until next time, coffee drinkers!

xoxo,

brittany charis

. . . . . .

wanna see where we go before the blog does?

track the hashtag:

#cafedazewithjandb

to keep caught up with all our latest excursions!